


Tabula Rasa

by saturninesunshine



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, alternate SHIELD timeline, hydra is not an intelligence agency, skye and ward meet in a different way, there is no bus or mobile unit, ward continues to be a specialist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3695339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturninesunshine/pseuds/saturninesunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grant Ward has been presumed dead for three years until his prints surfaced in Cambodia. No one really knew how or why they had obtained this information or if Grant Ward was even aware he had been flagged. Most evidence would point to it being a carefully laid trap. The only thing that was known was that no one was happy to receive word. SHIELD would have just happily gone on pretending that he was gone forever. Most of his files had been purged after his failed project and those that weren’t had been redacted. The only file that remained was one page that read: “Case worker: Johnson, Daisy. Closed.”</p><p>After Grant Ward has disappeared for three years he returns after a failed project and a wiped memory. The only one SHIELD can enlist to help with Ward's memory and discover what happened to him is a lowly Communications typist, Skye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Blank Slate

**Author's Note:**

> So the Bourne Supremacy was on the other day and I got inspired. This is not a direct Bourne universe or anything like that. Only a small inspiration.

Grant Ward has been presumed dead for three years until his prints surfaced in Cambodia. No one really knew how or why they had obtained this information or if Grant Ward was even aware he had been flagged. Most evidence would point to it being a carefully laid trap. The only thing that was known SHIELD would have just happily gone on pretending that he was gone forever. Most of his files had been purged after his failed project and those that weren’t had been redacted. The only file that remained was one page that read: “Case worker: Johnson, Daisy. Closed.”

“Who the hell is Daisy Johnson?” Director Coulson had asked upon hearing this news. The name Grant Ward meant even less to him than Daisy Johnson, though he did vaguely recall after taking the reigns from Director Fury about a failed experiment called The Hydra Project. That hadn’t gone much better than Project TAHITI, but he couldn’t recall much more than that. The crown he had inherited had been heavy with miscommunication and secrets.

“Sir?” The timid voice of one of his top engineering analysts spoke up.

“Fitz?” Coulson addressed him.

“I know who she is, sir.” 

“How have I never heard of her?”

“That might have to do with it being a secret project,” May replied dryly.

“You have heard of her,” Fitz said. “That’s just not her name.” 

“Daisy Johnson is an alias?” Coulson asked. 

“Not exactly,” Fitz said. “It’s her legal name. She just never uses it.” 

“Who?”

* * *

Skye started her morning like she had since her fall from grace. The Comminations pool was the lowest key of all the departments. Simmons constantly had to remind her of that. But she didn’t mind being able to wear flannel to work and take breaks whenever she wanted. It wasn’t the most glamorous or exciting job, but she had had enough excitement for a lifetime.

Skye had been typing in her workstation for only about an hour before she become disappointed that Fitz hadn’t snuck in the new hardware that he had promised. She had to convince him he wouldn’t get in trouble for about a month before he would agree to it. No one really monitored them in this lowly Communication station anyway. The Triskelion was a big place.

“Agent Skye.” 

Skye looked up at the familiar voice. Coulson had become a favorite of hers at the academy, though even when offered a promotion after he took the reigns, Skye turned him down. He would visit every so often since then trying to change her mind.

This was different. She could hear it in his voice. He hardly ever sounded that stern with her before. When Skye looked up, she could see Fitz avoiding her eyes, hovering behind Coulson. 

“You know I’m not an agent anymore, sir,” Skye smiled.

“Let’s take a walk,” Coulson answered. “I think there are some things we need to discuss.”

Skye hated The Cage. She had been there too many times to count and not many of those times were pleasant. It felt like an interrogation, sitting across from Coulson. Though for some strange reason Fitz was there too. 

“Does the name Grant Ward mean anything to you?” Coulson asked.

Skye’s eyes flicked to Fitz’s unassuming face and then back to Coulson. “Should it?”

“We’ve got a file here connecting the two of you,” Coulson said.

“Then why did you ask if you already knew the answer?” Skye sighed.

“This isn’t a game, Skye,” Coulson said. 

“No,” Skye agreed. “Just something I’d rather forget.”

After that, Coulson softened. “Did something happen?”

“A lot of things happened,” Skye said. “Grant Ward’s dead. So what’s the point in talking about it?”

“Because he’s not,” Coulson said. “We’ve got him.”

* * *

She thought he would be pacing. The last time she saw Grant Ward (alive) he had his five o’clock shadow and was smiling at her through a bloody grin. She had thought – not for the first time – about how much she loved him. This cocky, arrogant, complicated person that she had felt the entire spectrum of human emotion towards and finally felt love for. Long after she saw it in his eyes first. He got up early the next morning for a job and she never saw him again.

This man was not that Grant Ward. This man was clean-shaven, dressed in a button down polo and sitting up straight in his chair, like one of his covers. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was just pretending. She would be able to tell when their eyes met. Even if he couldn’t say it, she would know it. That was what she was sure of. That was the only reason she let Coulson coerce her through that door. Her face remained passive throughout the entire meeting but the second his eyes met hers, her heart shattered.

Ward lurched to his feet. “What’s going on?” He took a step aggressively towards her. And then she understood.

“You don’t recognize me,” Skye said, “do you?” She skirted around his large body barricaded in front of her. Touching him would make it worse. Ward’s eyes followed her for a moment as though he couldn’t trust his own judgment. 

“Should I?”

For the past three years Skye didn’t think there would be anything more painful than assuming Ward had been murdered and she would never have anything but assumptions. She had been wrong. This was worse. 

“No,” Skye said. “There’s no reason you should.”

Skye looked over her shoulder at the mirror. Real Ward would know that was a double-sided mirror so they could monitor even his breathing patterns. She didn’t know what This Ward did or didn’t know. She was here because of one little piece of paper and the probability that she knew a lot about Ward’s condition. She knew nothing, but that was still more than everyone else. 

“I’m sorry,” Skye said. “I don’t really know how to help you.”

“Is that what you’re here to do?” Ward asked. It was like she was meeting him for the first time again. She had almost forgotten what that had been like. She didn’t want to remember.

“I guess,” Skye said. The truth was, she didn’t know. It wasn’t very intelligent of SHIELD to think that even if Ward was completely coherent and still know her that he would spill all his secrets. The truth was, she was expendable now and was the only lead they had. “It would help if I knew how to do that. Is there something that you want?”

“Is there something I want?” Ward asked, his voice sharp and angry. He almost sounded like himself. “Yeah, you could say that. I want some answers.”

“You really don’t remember anything?” Skye asked.

“Everyone keeps asking me that.” 

“That must be frustrating,” Skye said. 

Ward took a step back. “Yeah. It is.” 

What this stranger in front of her wanted was his life back. That much was obvious. She was no more qualified or able to give him that than anyone else. But she could give him one thing. 

“Open your shirt,” Skye said. 

Ward stared.

“I’m not playing around,” Skye said. Memory or not, he was still so obtuse. “Just open your shirt.” 

There was no real reason for him to do what she said, but she doubted that was any better than having no real reason not to do it. Ward slowly began to unbutton his pressed shirt. Anxious and impatient, Skye strode forward and undid the buttons for him, stopping at the panel of scar tissue she had been looking for. She put her hands on the scars of the three bullet wounds on his torso. 

“Hi,” she said. “My name is Skye and I did that.” 

After a moment she realized that her hand was still on his hot skin and let it drop away. Ward looked down at his body as though it belonged to someone else.

“You did that?”

She couldn’t help but take his tone personally.

“That’s point blank range,” Ward said.

“Surprised?” Skye sniffed.

“Sorry,” Ward said. “I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just… I figured it was…”

“A man?” Skye asked.

“A professional,” Ward amended.

“I don’t strike you as the type?” Skye asked.

Ward seemed to flush with embarrassment. She had never seen him do that before. But this was another set of circumstances that she understood about as well as he did. 

“It’s not that,” Ward said. “They just sent you in here to talk to me. And you seem really nice.”

“I do?” He had never in his life said that to her.

“You don’t agree?” he asked. 

“I’m just used to arguing with you,” Skye said.

“So you and I,” Ward said. “We knew each other.”

“You could say that.”

“So why’d you shoot me?” he asked conversationally. 

Skye couldn’t help but laugh at that. “You shot me first." 

Ward looked alarmed. Not something she was used to seeing on his face either.

“I’m not kidding,” Skye said. “People always seem to think I’m kidding. For the record, I’m not kidding.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Skye said. “It was a long time ago and you weren’t sorry when it happened.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Ward said definitively. “Why would you come in here and talk to me if I did that?”

“It’s complicated.” Skye colored. This was definitely not something she had planned on getting into with the ghost of SHIELD agents’ past. Not on the first day, at least.

“They told me you were my case worker,” Ward said. “Was that before or after I shot you?” 

“After,” Skye smiled. “Like I said. Complicated.” 

“So why’d I do it?” Ward asked. “Just for the record.” 

“Another long and complicated story,” Skye said. “We don’t have to get into it now.” 

“What else are we going to talk about?”

“I never thought we’d get this far,” Skye admitted. “I’m not really here for that.”

“Oh,” Ward said. “You want to find out what I know. I can save you the time. I don’t remember anything.”

“I gathered that,” Skye said. 

Ward studied her with his spy eyes. “That doesn’t make you happy.”

“I’m not an agent,” Skye said. “It doesn’t make me anything.”

“But you were my handler,” Ward said. “That’s what they told me.”

“I was an agent then,” Skye said. 

“More of that complicated past?” he asked.

“Kind of.”

He looked disappointed. 

“Look,” Skye said. “Would it make you happy if I told you the parts of you I know?” Otherwise known as _everything_. But she couldn't say that to him. That would be too painful.

“I don’t know what it would make me,” Ward said. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” 

That made two of them. 

“I’m not really supposed to agitate you,” Skye said. 

“Good thing you’re not an agent.” 

It was a spark. Not the flame of the old Ward, but something that she recognized that she missed. It made her heart ache but she smiled all the same. 

“Good point,” Skye said. “You didn’t mean to shoot me. Or at least, that’s what you told me after I got three rounds in you.”

Ward smiled secretly. He seemed to be enjoying this story and the way she was telling it. That gave her confidence and maybe a little bit of hope. Hope was a dangerous thing but she couldn’t help herself. 

“You weren’t after me,” Skye said. “You were after the guy I was with.” 

“Boyfriend?” Ward asked. He looked curious but the question weighed heavily on her.

“Sort of,” Skye said. “We were on this bridge and I happened to be driving. Your orders were to take him out. He was laundering money to some bad people and he was what you would call a high-risk target. So you figured it would be cleaner to take us both out.”

“I shot the car.”

“No,” Skye said. “You shot me. Twice. In the abdomen. I slumped over and the car went into the water. End of.”

“That’s it?” Ward asked. “That sounds sloppy.” 

Skye had to smile at that. “It was. You were banking on him to drown but he thought you killed me so he did a Charlie’s Angels’ roll out of the car.”

“He just left you there?” 

“Pretty much,” Skye said. “Didn’t have much interest in finding out if you finished the job or not after that.”

She wanted to apologize again, but the words were becoming tired in her mouth.

“So that’s who I was,” Ward said. “A killer.” 

“You were a trained specialist,” Skye said. “And this whole thing…”

“My memory.” 

“It’s a consequence,” Skye said. “But that wasn’t you. This was done to you. I promise you that.” 

“That was still me, though,” Ward said. “Whether they wiped me or whatever. I did those things.”

“I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear,” Skye said. 

“I asked for it,” Ward said. His self-pity evaporated in an instant.

“Ward,” Skye said. His name felt unpracticed and alien. She hadn’t said it out loud in years. “I knew you. And you weren’t a bad person. You were dedicated. And the most loyal man I had ever met.” 

Something behind his eyes flared. She knew she shouldn’t have said that. She couldn’t let him know what they ended up being to each other at the end. It would just hurt too much for the both of them. And Ward would torture himself with the knowledge of what he couldn’t remember. No matter how much of him was erased, that part of him was still there.

“I wish I could remember,” Ward said.

She knew that he meant it. She wished that could mean more to her. She couldn’t say what she was thinking. _Me too._

“I have to get back,” Skye said. She hoped to god Coulson just wanted a report and then she could go back to the typing pool. That seemed unlikely. 

“Will I see you again?” Ward asked as she turned for the door.

“I don’t know.”

The selfish part of her hoped that she would. The weak part of her closed the door behind her and found The Cage empty across the hall. When the door closed behind her, she finally allowed herself to break down. She couldn’t break while on a job. It wasn’t what Ward would have wanted.

The tentative knock on the door made her know that it wasn’t Coulson. That was the only reason that she opened it. Fitz’s face was apologetic and his arms around her were welcome. 

“Are you okay?” 

“He didn’t make you see him, did he?” Skye asked. She returned his embrace.

No. She was the only one being forced to answer questions from the ghost of Grant Ward. 

“Coulson didn’t mean for it to be cruel,” Fitz said. “He just didn’t know.” 

“He didn’t mean it,” Skye said. “But it was.”

* * *

“Skye isn’t your real name.”

Her second session with Ward had only gone marginally better than the first. Coulson had decided to reinstate her status only for the sole purpose of poking around Ward’s brain. It was callous and nauseating. But she couldn’t help but find that she was getting something out of this to.

“It isn’t?” Skye asked. For a moment, she could almost pretend like the last three years hadn’t happened.

“It’s your hacker name,” Ward said. “You’re astonishingly good.”

Even now, it was clear it was hard to impress Grant Ward.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Sorry,” Ward said. “I just don’t understand. You should be an agent. Why are you in the typing pool?” 

“How did you get this information?” Skye asked. 

“I Googled you,” Ward said. “They let me on a computer fifteen minutes a day.”

“You checked up on me?” Skye asked. The pleasure spreading through her was quite unwanted and she did not appreciate it. “They don’t give you books or anything?” 

“I didn’t think I should ask for anything,” Ward said. “They’re afraid of me. Like I’m a time bomb. I’m dangerous.” 

“You must have some idea,” Skye said. “Of who you were.”

“I found the passports and a gun,” Ward said. “Someone tried to mug me in Cambodia. I did things I never knew I had the ability to.”

“That’s how they found you,” Skye said.

“I just woke up one day and everything was gone.”

“I know.” 

“You do?” He almost sounded betrayed. She knew how much that could hurt.

Skye smiled enigmatically. There was nothing else to say. 

“You can’t tell me.” Ward was still good at reading people. He hadn’t lost that. “Confidential?”

“I don’t even know what they’re doing, Ward,” Skye said. “I don’t have the clearance. They just want to know what you know.”

“They think I’m lying,” Ward said. “Did I do that a lot?” 

“You were a spy,” Skye said. “You excelled at espionage.”

“I was good at it?”

“You were the best,” Skye said. “The best I ever knew.”

“What’s Project Hydra?” His eyes searched hers and she knew there was no escape.

“Where do you get your information?” Skye asked with exasperation. 

“I’m supposed to be a spy, remember?” 

“Well you haven’t lost your edge,” Skye said. “I’m not allowed to say, remember?”

“I seem to recall our loophole for that,” Ward replied. He was already bonding the two of them in his mind. Maybe there still was a part of him in there somewhere. That made it worse, somehow. “Do you know what it is?”

“Yes,” Skye said. “It was an experimental project.”

“I’m an experiment.”

“Not in so many ways,” Skye said. “You suffered from post traumatic stress disorder. SHIELD only meant to find a way to help agents like you.” 

“But that didn’t happen.”

“You were the first subject,” Skye said. “It wasn’t their intention to wipe memories or brain wash or anything like that. They just wanted to figure out a way to distance the emotional connection to the assignments you had to do.”

“That sounds like turning me into a sociopath,” Ward remarked.

“No,” Skye said. “It wasn’t like that. You were so torn up inside by things you had to do for the job that they wanted to find a way that your memories didn’t tangle up your brain like it did.” 

“I was unhappy?” Ward asked.

“Yes,” Skye said. “You were… inconsolable. I didn’t… I couldn’t…”

Skye didn’t know how to truly articulate how horrible it was. Words could not describe. And she couldn’t tell him the truth. She couldn’t tell him how it tore her apart to watch him suffer. How he would wake up in the night screaming, his dreams driving him to the brink of insanity. She couldn’t tell him how it killed her.

“I was sick,” Ward said. 

“Yeah,” Skye exhaled. She hadn’t known how tight her body had been compacted from this conversation.

“I understand why they wouldn’t want me to know,” Ward said. “But they did what they set out to do. I don’t feel that way." 

“You still lost something,” Skye said quietly. He was silent, but his eyes were penetrating. “You don’t have dreams?” 

“Sometimes,” Ward said. “But nothing specific. Sometimes it’s an apartment number. Or an airline name. But I don’t feel anything when I see it.”

Skye nodded, watching her fingers entangle and entwine with each other on her lap.

“Are you okay?” Ward asked. 

“Definitely,” Skye forced herself to say. She picked herself up and headed for the door. 

“One more thing,” Ward said.

Skye paused. 

“You said we were close,” Ward said.

Skye nodded.

“Did you ever call me Grant?”

“Only when we were alone,” Skye said. And she walked out the door.

* * *

Fitz had been putting off seeing Ward. Skye’s ultimate failure to keep it together had made him hesitant. But this was his friend and he couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Skye mentioned something about post traumatic stress disorder,” Ward said.

“Very common,” Fitz said. He was technically only here to check Ward’s vitals. He hooked Ward up to a monitor as he spoke. “You know statistics prove that more soldiers have committed suicide than were killed in battle?” 

“Fascinating,” Ward said, uncomfortably.

“Sorry,” Fitz said. It was easier to hide behind numbers and science sometimes.

“What was it?” Ward asked. “What was so bad that I didn’t want it in my head?”

“A number of things,” Fitz said. “You were a specialist and it was your job. It was never the kills that complicated this for you. It was the emotional tie connecting you to the violence in the end. You weren’t always like that.” 

“What was the trigger?” Ward asked, trying to understand. “What was so emotionally violent for me that it gave me nightmares? I must have cared about something.” 

“You did,” Fitz said.

“Did I kill someone?”

“It wasn’t that,” Fitz said. “You shot someone. Someone you cared about." 

Realization dawned on Ward’s face. Fitz never wanted to be the one to remind him of everything that had happened. But he was just so persistent. Whatever Skye had been saying to him in their sessions must have brought something out. For a minute, Fitz was sure he could see Ward’s grief looking at him through stranger’s eyes. 

“I loved her,” Ward said quietly. “Didn’t I?” 

A difficult question. One with an obvious answer. For clear reasons Fitz couldn’t tell this man about the engagement ring the cleaners had found in his apartment after he had disappeared. But that wasn’t even the answer he was looking for.

“You were committed to the job,” Fitz said. “You were one of the best agents there were. The job was all that mattered. Until Skye.”

“Did I say that?”

“Oh, it was quite obvious,” Fitz said. 

“Why would she be in there with me, then?” Ward asked. “That seems unfair to her. If one day I just fell off the face of the earth. No closure.”

“It was unfair,” Fitz said. “But Skye is a sensitive person. No matter what, she’s glad you’re alive. And she can’t look the other way when you need help.”

“Are you here to help me?” Ward asked. “Were we friends?”

“Yes,” Fitz said. “I’m here to help.” 

“I want it back,” Ward said. “I want to remember.” 

“It’s not that simple,” Fitz said. “You don't even know if you want to remember everything that happened. And there are a lot of things to take into account. Brains don’t just delete files. They lose connections. The information is there. But you have to be sure that you absolutely want it.” 

“I can’t be a blank slate,” Ward said. “I can’t be no one.”

Fitz nodded. “I can’t promise anything.”

“I want to try.” 

There was no other option.


	2. Seven Years Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I’m going to be crossed off, I might as well know who it is.”
> 
> The man was six feet at the very least and Miles felt as though his heart was perforating his breastbone. As the stranger took off the helmet, his gun hand never wavering at once.
> 
> On first glace, Miles knew that he hated this man. 
> 
> “Grant Ward, agent of SHIELD.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! Clearly I've decided to continue this. The main story is what happened before the first chapter. This will mainly cover how Skye and Ward met and such.

**I.**

Miles Lydon never had cause to complain. Unlike many of the kids he met in foster care, he had actually gotten placed. His new found family was nice and wanted him to succeed. He never had a true reason to join the Rising Tide and find himself in the culture of hacking. Just some bio parents who abandoned him and a drive to succeed at whatever he was good at.

Seville, Spain wasn’t so bad either. After realizing his penchant for hacking into secure systems, staying in one place just didn’t really have the allure that it used to. That and having a pretty girl next to him pretty much cinched the Seville deal for him.

Miles liked his life. And he liked her well enough. But truth be told, he never would have invited her on that car ride if he had known that they weren’t alone. If he had known that he was being tailed. Then again, he wasn’t some secret government agent. He was just hacker. But this hacker did happen to have a compact handgun for such occasions. This wasn’t the first time he had upset someone. The problem with his line of work was that you never really knew who was upset that day of the week.

“Switch with me,” Miles said.

“What?” Skye asked, turning her attention from the landscape around her. It was about two in the afternoon. There really was no cause for anyone to be on the road but them. But there was. "Why?"

“You should drive for awhile,” Miles said casually.

“You don’t think you should pull over first?” Skye asked.

Miles looked in the rearview mirror again. One lone rider on a sports bike had been tailing them for the past six minutes. Miles wasn’t a government agent, but he knew when he was being followed by one.

“Skye,” Miles said. “Just switch.”

Skye’s looked behind them. She had the same perception as he did. Sometimes even better. That’s how she learned so quickly. 

“Who is it this time?” She sounded tired.

“Skye, please,” Miles said. “Don’t ask questions.” 

Mostly because he didn’t know the answer. Or even the question that begged that answer.

“Well be quick about it,” Skye said, acquiescing. Her seatbelt was already off. Miles wriggled out of his, making sure to keep his foot on the pedal. Skye slid her slight body over his and took control of the acceleration.

Miles threw himself into the passenger seat, immediately going for the glove box. Skye strapped herself back in before she saw what he had taken out. 

“Are you kidding me?” Skye asked as Miles removed the safety. “Do you even know how to use that thing?” 

“I think it’s pretty self explanatory.” 

“You’ll have to show me some—“ 

Miles looked behind him but the motorist was gone. He scanned the surrounding bridge.

“Some what?” Miles asked, too distracted to look at her.

That’s when he noticed the car was veering to the side of the road. 

“Skye?” Miles turned back to see Skye’s head was leaning against the wheel, her eyes closed. Two shots at come clear through the windshield. She was bleeding from the abdomen. 

There was no time. Miles never had cause to complain. But at that moment, he had to make a decision. Skye was dead and the car was about to veer off the bridge. Without hesitating, Miles opened the car door and flung himself onto the road. He rolled several times, feeling the full force of the road hitting him in the face.

When he finally looked up, the guardrails of the bridge were broken. Miles ran to the bridge, watching his car sink into the water. He only could live a second of remorse before he felt the cold muzzle of a gun press into the back of his head.

“ _Turn around slowly_.”  The voice was male and sounded muffled.

If Miles was about to be mugged, he actually would have preferred it. When he turned, all he saw was his own reflection in the visor of a motorcycle helmet. Miles raised his hands.

“If I’m going to be crossed off, I might as well know who it is.”

The man was six feet at the very least and Miles felt as though his heart was perforating his breastbone. As the stranger took off the helmet, his gun hand never wavering at once.

On first glace, Miles knew that he hated this man. 

“Grant Ward, agent of SHIELD.”

_Pop_.


	3. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn’t have a name. Just closed circuit camera footage of a motorist following Miles’ registered car. And a face. The moment Skye saw that haughty, chiseled face of the man on the motorcycle she decided that she had to buy a gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really rough to write and it's still in a state so I hope you all enjoy it. So far these are more shorter chapters but they will definitely be getting longer in the future.

**II.**

Skye woke up with a breathing tube down her throat. It wasn’t fun to say the least. All she remembered was the pain all alone. Apparently that’s when the fisherman dragged her from the water. Nothing was coming back to her. The faces were fuzzy and unrecognizable. She sat up in the infirmary bed, gasping for breath until they pulled the breathing tube from her throat.

It was only after they tried talking to her did she wish she hadn’t dropped out of high school after freshman Spanish. Her skills were not translating to the fluent dialect of Seville.

Two weeks later and the Rising Tide finally made contact. Not in person. The Rising Tide rarely met in person. The only one she had really known face to face was Miles and he had made it pretty clear what his priorities were.

Skye was at a café in the middle of town on a laptop she had won in a bet when her system was cracked. It was more of a love hack than anything else. Just a gentle prod letting her know that her organization hadn’t forgotten about her. But she had as good as forgotten about them the moment she opened the attachment they sent.

They didn’t have a name. Just closed circuit camera footage of a motorist following Miles’ registered car. And a face. The moment Skye saw that haughty, chiseled face of the man on the motorcycle she decided that she had to buy a gun.

* * *

 

Skye had been coming into the shooting range every day for four months until finally the manager approached her. Skye was very aware that she had a gun in her hand at the time. He stayed a respectful foot away from her.

“I’ve never seen someone this committed before,” he remarked. “Recreation?” 

She could tell that he didn’t really think that it was. A shooting range was a weird place to approach someone. “Self-defense.” 

“Ex-boyfriend,” he assumed. 

Skye loaded a new magazine into the semi-automatic and aimed it at the target. “Something like that.” 

She fired.

She felt the man take a step back. “You don’t need to settle for the .22. You don’t seem like someone that is put off by the weight.” 

Skye walked out of the shooting range with a .45 and ammo to match. After that, it was only a matter of time before she got the call.

Once upon a time it would have been different. When she had been younger, impressionable, and her boyfriend hadn’t abandoned her to die in a watery grave, Skye would have viewed her attempted assassination as a sign that she was getting somewhere close. Agencies hid projects like Pegasus from the public all the time and the Rising Tide existed to expose their hypocrisy. Trying to have her assassinated was just a sign that she was on the right track.

Now it didn’t seem to matter so much. Now all she had was a burning rage in her gut and an itchy trigger finger. It was pretty much guaranteed that government agents would be in the same vicinity as some special powered person or some new technology. The Rising Tide was good at getting there first. Skye had no real objective with the hacker group anymore. But this would benefit her greatly. She took the assignment without question and found herself in a bar in Europe. It wasn’t a bad place to be.

She made him almost immediately.

* * *

“…the problem with these pseudo-anarchist hacker types. Never around for the fallout.”

She heard him through the door before she saw him. She was only halfway through hacking the stream and she knew that if there was a fully loaded government team coming through that door, she wasn’t going to last the night.

She was lucky. He was alone. That must have meant he was in communication with someone but instincts kicked in as soon as that door opened. She and the agent were staring down the barrel of each other’s guns. His face never budged for a moment. She was still wheezing from running up the flight of stairs to beat him, not that it mattered. He was cool and collected.

If anything, he looked a little disappointed. But he didn’t look like he recognized her at all. That made her furious. He just stared at her, waiting for her to back down. The only reason she had even taken this job was to see the look on his face when he saw that she was still alive.

And then put a bullet in him. Damn government agents. They always had to make things complicated. Well, she would make things complicated for him. 

“Hand over the laptop,” he said calmly.

“You’re not just going to start shooting?” Skye asked. “Isn’t that your MO?”

Suspicion wavered over his face. Then, a slow arrogant smirk spread across his face. God, she hated him.

“Is that what this is about?” he asked. “Revenge? Mad about your boyfriend?”

He took a step closer to her. In response, she released the safety. No words needed to be exchanged between them. That communication was as clear as day. He stopped abruptly.

“Boyfriend?” Skye asked. She wanted to wipe that smug look off this bastard’s face. “Or the fact that you shot me twice in the intestines and left me for dead? Real tough one.”

She didn’t think that this secret agent whatever could really show remorse. But she thought for a moment that maybe his features did soften for a minute.

Skye lifted her shirt to show him the two bullet scars on her stomach, courtesy of him. “Remember me now?”

His eyes lingered at her navel, taking his time to look back at her face.

“You’re not going to shoot me,” the agent said, his gun starting to lower. “Let’s just talk about this like civilized—“

Skye couldn’t really recall pulling the trigger. Somehow, she got four bullets in him though. The most satisfying thing she had felt in the past year was the look of complete shock on his face. 

The agent slid to the ground, holding his side. Skye put her foot on his entry wounds, applying pressure as she stepping on him. He gasped in exquisite pain. 

“Don’t lower the gun that’s pointed at your enemy,” Skye said.

 _Idiot_. 

He grunted again as she stepped on him and over him, leaving him there to die.


	4. Three Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grant Ward was in love and there was very little to be done about the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end, this is a romance story so it can't be solemn all the time. That is my excuse for this chapter. That, and I wanted to write dorky Grant Ward. Also Ward and Kara are BFF and everyone is just going to have to deal with it.

**III.**

“Daisy Johnson.” Ward groaned as he tried to sit up in his bed in the infirmary. Fitz wasn’t paying him much attention, just scrolling through the database on his tablet. “Who?”

Fitz looked up at him. “The girl that shot you.”

Ward looked around the mostly empty hospital room, making sure they weren't being overheard. “There was a reason I came to you, Fitz.” 

“Right, right,” Fitz said. “Discretion. Don’t want SHIELD to know you almost got crossed off by a girl who never fired a gun before." 

“She’s Rising Tide,” Ward said. “They’ve been known to go a little off book. But yes, I would prefer it if you didn’t spread this around.”

Fitz’s little smile was infectious and Ward didn’t really have it in him to be annoyed at the kid. 

“Just trying to be helpful.”

Ward settled back on his pillows with discomfort. “So. Daisy Johnson. That sounds fake.”

“It isn’t, actually,” Fitz said. “She seems to largely go by her hacker name.” 

“She’s a civilian,” Ward said. “Who does she need to protect her identify from?” 

“I don’t know,” Fitz said. “Why don’t you go and ask her next time you see her?" 

“If I see her again, she won’t be around long enough to say anything.”

“Oh, come on, Ward,” Fitz said. “You’re going to go around shooting defenseless girls without SHIELD’s approval?”

“Defenseless is a matter of opinion.”

“You already shot her once,” Fitz said. “You don’t think she was owed this?”

Ward had to admit that Fitz had a point. But he only shot her twice. The girl was a little overzealous. He doubted he could explain to her that he was just doing his job.

* * *

On the day that Ward started to notice his ribs didn’t feel like they were being kicked into his spleen anymore, the worst possible thing happened. 

“God _dammit_.”

Kara took another suck through her straw, not bothering to look at what Grant was exclaiming at this time. “What?”

They were at the bar frequented by Operations cadets and Grant wasn't drinking. He usually had a healthy thirst for bourbon, so this in particular seemed odd to Kara. He wasn't looking at her, though. He was looking across the room. 

“That’s the girl that shot me.” 

This piqued Kara’s interest. She turned in her stool just in time to see someone that, in Kara’s opinion, did not exactly qualify as a _girl_. Sure, she looked younger than the two of them, but Grant always had to appear masculine in front of pretty women. Naturally, that meant underestimating them.

“She’s pretty,” Kara remarked as the girl walked right by them.

“ _What_?” Grant asked, flabbergasted.

That was a bit over the top, Kara thought. 

“She’s not-“ Grant continued sputtered. “She’s just. She has… a face…”

Kara snorted. “You are such a dork. Go over and talk to her.” 

“ _What_?” Grant was genuinely blushing now. 

“You obviously like this girl that shot you three times,” Kara said. “Go over and ask her name.” 

“Four," Grant corrected. "And do you want to give her an opportunity to shoot me again?” At least he was giving her credit this time.

“I thought you said that was a fluke,” Kara said dryly.

“It _was_.” 

“Grant Ward gets shot and it’s by some civilian hacker,” Kara said. “You can’t make that stuff up. Of course you’d like her.” 

“ _Hey_.” Grant Ward was officially offended.

“You’re not going to go talk to her, are you?”

“I should just shoot her,” Grant said. 

“You already did that,” Kara reminded him. “And it looks like she spotted you anyway. You should surrender.” 

“You’re not helping.” 

Grant returned in five minutes, his face with a deep cut in the cheekbone. It looked like a fracture.

“What happened?” Kara couldn’t help but laugh as Grant grabbed his coat in a huff.

“She hit me with a shovel,” he replied shortly.

Kara wasn’t really sure where this girl had gotten a hold of a shovel. Kara liked her.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Grant exclaimed. Kara just laughed silently, following him out of the bar. 

Grant Ward was in love and there was very little to be done about the situation.


	5. Six Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thread she could follow was that of No Name Agent of Faceless Government Agency. The Rising Tide could get many things, but secret identities were not one of them. One time she thought she had actually cracked it, but when she had crashed his undercover job in Wisconsin (of all places) and called him Tom Brady, she immediately knew that didn’t sound right at all.
> 
> He only laughed with his cocky, “nice try, rookie.”

**IV.**

The shovel was the catalyst. That’s how Skye liked to think about it. Sure, they had shot each other a couple of times but now it was more of a game than anything else. The second she felt his cheekbone crack beneath the discarded shovel she found outside the bar, something curdled inside of her. It was something she hadn’t felt in a long time. She couldn’t remember feeling anything but boiling rage and resentment ever since that car went into the water. But that was almost two years ago, she realized.

It was strange to think that she had been embroiled in this for so much time. Skye had a mission, a reason for not being the dead, bloated corpse she could have been. (Dead and corpse were kind of redundant, but she was in a dramatic stage in her life.)

But now she could feel. Really and truly feel. The only thread she could follow was that of No Name Agent of Faceless Government Agency. The Rising Tide could get many things, but secret identities were not one of them. One time she thought she had actually cracked it, but when she had crashed his undercover job in Wisconsin (of all places) and called him Tom Brady, she immediately knew that didn’t sound right at all.

He only laughed with his cocky, “nice try, rookie.”

Since then it had been her sole imperative to bring him down. He had a similar response to her. But instead of admitting it, it just became this strange waltz in where neither of them really won and neither of them really lost. When she saw him, he had a scar where she had hit him underneath the unkempt scruff he had cultivated. She cursed herself when her immediate thought about his appearance was _dangerous_.

It wasn’t that simple, though. She knew that much about herself. She knew that dangerous was code for something else. She lived on the edge of society for too long to be in denial about things she found attractive. But she shut that down and kicked him around his ankles, causing him to trip awkwardly. He regained his balanced, but she still laughed as she made it to her car before he could catch up with her. 

It was his turn. She knew that. She had made him look foolish the last time they had met – and many times before – so she knew that this time, he would really make her pay for it. It caused her to become paranoid. She kept her semi-automatic on the inside of her jacket like some secret service agent, but it had been months since she had seen him last.

She could just picture him. Biding his time… Waiting to jump out at her.

She walked right into him at a frozen yogurt shop in New York. She couldn’t tell exactly what flavor he was holding was because it was covered in gummy worms and oreos. She only gave herself a second to marvel at the disciplined government agent splurging on calories.

Skye then considered throwing her cake batter concoction in his face. But to be honest, she didn’t really want to waste it.

“Wait,” he said, holding up one hand and the Styrofoam cup in surrender.

Skye was a little relieved. She had been really excited to eat some cake batter. But she still  surveyed him with suspicion, taking a step back.

“I’m waving the white flag.”

Mr. No Name Agent was wearing some dark sweater ensemble and a watch on his right wrist. It seemed so deceptively civilian that it made her even more suspicious. 

“Why?” Skye asked skeptically. “Did you follow me here?”

He glanced down at the hand that was holding the cup that Skye was looking at pointedly. He had a look of guilt on his face that was completely foreign to her. As if he had followed her in there and just could not help himself to a low calorie dessert. 

This was someone she wouldn’t mind talking to. He took a scope of the room, full of civilians.

“Why don’t we go somewhere and talk about this?”

“No chance in hell.”

He sighed. “Okay, then let’s just sit down.”

He motioned towards one of the circular tables and she watched him put down his calorie disaster. Skye followed him tentatively and took a seat across from him. Suddenly she had a feeling as though she were in the middle of the most awkward job interview she had ever had. And there was a lot to choose from.

“I think you have a lot of potential,” Mr. Agent said, recovering himself. “Very raw potential, but potential all the same.”

“You shot me.”

“I came to make amends,” he said. “I gave your name to my superior officers. I’m recommending you for active duty.”

“Excuse me?” That was the last thing she expected. He took an opportunity to eat his melting frozen yogurt as though this was the most normal thing in the world. “As in government? I’m assuming you’re in government because you’re so shady. And a tool bag.”

“You ended up squeezing off four shots into me,” he said. “If that isn’t potential, I don’t know what is. SHIELD will be vetting you in the next week. If you're willing to go to the academy that is.” 

“You’re SHIELD,” Skye said. There it was. That made sense. Especially since Rising Tide was mostly interested in the paranormal. They logically would be seeing a lot of each other. “You tried to kill me. And Miles.”

“Just following orders,” he answered. But his voice grew dark. She didn’t know what part of her comment bothered him the most. He chewed aggressively on a gummy worm. 

“Charming.” 

“You don’t seem to broken up about your boyfriend jumping ship,” he replied shortly.

“Miles was an idiot,” Skye said. “That doesn’t mean he deserved to be killed.” Though she wasn’t exactly complaining about never seeing him again or even really knowing what happened at all. That was a past life. She was a new person now.

“He was trading information to some very bad people,” he answered. “For all we knew, you were an accomplice.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I am sorry about that,” he answered. “I’m glad I didn’t kill you.”

“Gee thanks,” Skye said. “Wasn’t for lack of trying. What does SHIELD want with me?” 

“You’re good with computers,” he said. “Like scary good.”

Skye couldn’t help but smile at that.

“We can always use people like you,” he continued. “Especially if you’re good in the field. Which believe me, you are.” 

The agent handed her a small card. The only thing that was on it was the ominous six letters. SHIELD. On the back was a name scrawled. _Agent Grant Ward._

Huh. It suited him.

“Did you just give me your number?” Skye couldn't help but take a jab at him. 

“No.”

“So if I do go to this academy,” Skye said, “will I have to see you there?" 

Agent Ward grinned. “Only if you’re good.”

A flush washed over her and she took it as an opportunity to dig into her cup. There was something about this strange, arrogant, government tool. She watched him down what turned out to be a mix of several different variations of chocolate and toss out the cup, walking out of the store without another glance back at her.

She swallowed.


	6. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preface: This was all Jemma Simmons’ fault. Skye had never been to the Sci-Tech academy before and it was just too good to pass up. Not even three drinks at The Boiler Room and the rest of the night got a little hazy.

**V.**

Skye was hungover.

This was not something she was proud of. Especially during the week of her final exams before she was meant to graduate. _Meant_ being the operative word. There was a reason she had enlisted Jemma Simmons’ help with studying.

Preface: This was all Jemma Simmons’ fault. Skye had never been to the Sci-Tech academy before and it was just too good to pass up. Not even three drinks at The Boiler Room and the rest of the night got a little hazy. 

Skye had just reached the Communications campus before identifying a very large problem. Agent Grant Ward was in his formal suit – sans sunglasses, thank god – and making her way towards them.

“Oh god, hide me,” Skye muttered, trying to angle a way so that Jemma would obscure her body. It was not working.

She had no idea why Hot Shot Agent Ward would be debasing himself by visiting the Communications division. She could only come to the conclusion that it was bad news for her.

“What on earth?” Jemma asked. She looked up and caught sight of the issue. “Oh, I see.”

“If you did, you’d be helping me _hide_.”

“What are you going on about now?” Jemma asked. They had stopped, letting the crowd of people obscure them towards their destination to the library. 

“If he sees I’m hungover he’ll give me one of his famous lectures on the heavy responsibilities of SHIELD.”

“Oh, he already knows you’re hungover,” Jemma said nonchalantly. 

“Huh?” Skye’s stomached dropped. Dead. She was do dead. Well, she lived a pretty good life. Twenty-two and she had seen all the things she was bound to.

“You didn’t really think you made it all the way back to my room just with me carrying your dead weight, did you?” Jemma asked. “You know Fitz can’t carry heavy loads. He’s very sensitive about it.” 

Skye wasn’t sure if Ward hadn’t spotted her yet or was just torturing her. Speaking of torturing…

“Ward got me back from The Boiler Room?”

“Well, I helped,” Jemma said, almost offended. “Fitz offered a commentary. You really don’t remember?”

“Damn. Double damn.”

“You really were quite adorable.” 

“Shut up now please.” 

“I thought that was why you were embarrassed to see him,” Jemma said. “You know cadets and agents are really allowed to be fraternizing.”

_Fraternizing_? “ _Fraternizing_?” Skye all but shrieked. 

Jemma blinked at Skye blankly.

“That is just…” Skye sputtered. The word _poppycock_ burst in her mind but that was a word she had never used in her life. 

“Can’t deny chemistry, Skye,” Jemma said. “I should know. I majored in it.”

“You did not and stop trying to be cute,” Skye muttered.

“Who’s trying?” 

“You are really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Not waiting for a response, Skye pulled Jemma into the library. 

“What are you doing?” Jemma asked. “You need protein.” 

It had been Jemma’s intent on getting to the dining hall. Communications was the largest and had by far the widest variety of food. Especially on the weekends, it was far easier to obtain fried comfort food. Sci-Tech was far too health conscious.

“We’re studying,” Skye said. “That’s the story.”

“Really, Skye,” Jemma huffed. But then she followed Skye’s charade, pulling some books from the stacks in sitting at the secluded back tables. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Why did you let someone in Operations in The Boiler Room anyway?” Skye asked in annoyance.

“You insisted.”

“I did not.”

“You did.” Jemma was grinning again. “And if he wants to find you, he will. He’s a spy, remember?” 

How could she forget? “He just wants to give me another talk about being field rated. If I’m lucky.” 

If she wasn’t lucky it would indeed be a lecture about what a disappointment she was. He had never said those words explicitly before, but it was all in his tone. She knew he was thinking it.

“Agent Johnson.”

God _dammit._  

Agent Ward looked down at her from his towering height above the table. Skye’s eyes blazed into the text of the book she wasn’t reading. 

“Please don’t,” Skye replied, refusing to tear her eyes from the page. “I’m not an agent and you know I don’t like it when you call me that name so stop it.” 

“Someday you’re going to have to tell me the backstory to that.” There was a loud scraping sound. Ward had dragged over a heavy chair and unceremoniously took a seat next to her. 

Jemma was being traitorously quiet.

“Do you mind?” Skye asked. “I’m trying to study.”

Ward pulled the book from her gaze and glanced at the title. “Mating Rituals of Papua New Guinea.” 

Skye colored. Then she glared at Jemma who shrugged. Skye didn’t even want to know what other random books Jemma had pulled out.

“Fascinating stuff,” Ward said, pushing the book back towards her. “Shouldn’t you be studying for your actual graduation requirement? I believe your weakness includes chemistry.”

Jemma’s shoulders shook with silent laughter and Skye aimed a poorly placed kick at her.

“That’s what my friend Jemma is doing here,” Skye said, her hand clasping a death grip around Jemma’s wrist. Her _friend_ winced. “Jemma from Sci-Tech.”

“I remember.” 

If Skye could be more embarrassed, she would be. She didn’t need to know the specifics of last night. She was mortified enough as it was. 

“After graduation we should go out for a drink. You and me.”

For a moment, Skye wasn’t sure if she was having the customary hangover hallucinations. But Jemma was staring at Skye and she came to the conclusion that what Ward said actually happened. Agent Ward wasn’t even bothering to look at her. He was looking at the exits, a habit he had told her that she would need to pick up soon. Her eyes bore into the side of his face. Jemma quietly slipped away awkwardly and disappeared among the stacks. 

Skye would get her for this.

“Are you kidding?” Skye didn’t mean it like that. She and Ward had been in a constant battle for the upper hand for the past year. And before that. But Ward didn’t seem to take offense. 

“Completely,” Ward said. “I would ask you now, but it would be inappropriate to go on a date with your SO.”

“My SO?” Skye asked. This was a lot of information being thrown at her.

“Yeah,” Ward shrugged casually. “I’ll be training you for field duty.”

Skye felt sort of gipped. She had assumed they would be training her for the field immediately. Instead they sent her to Communications where she knew basically everything already. Finally she would be training for field duty, but with the last person on earth she had expected. Even Agent May would be better than this.

Still. “Does that mean I’m good?” 

Ward finally met her eyes. He stood up from the table and patted her on the shoulder. “We’ll see when I’m done with you.”

He walked off.


	7. Six Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would be that easy. In. Drop her on the bed. Sleep on the couch. Then it would be morning and he could deal with Sober Skye. Inebriated Skye was even more of a force to be reckoned with. Duplicitous, innovative, and… and she was sucking on his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully something slightly more cheerful after tonight's episode.

**VI.**

Skye was drunk and Ward didn’t know what to do about it.

Her arms were looped around his neck and he was reminded of the incident at The Boiler Room. That had the uncomfortable consequence of alerting him to the fact that he could no longer continue to ignore Agent Skye. Being drunk dialed by a cadet that he had vetted and referred to his place of employment was definite grounds for termination. But he answered anyway. Her laughter had tinkled on the other end of the line and before he knew it, he had conned his way into Sci-Tech. Unheard of by an Operations Agent. 

And just like that night, he was taking Skye back to a room, her breath smelling of vodka and he couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be.

Still, he didn’t exactly know what to do about it. His SO training had concluded a month ago and technically their so-called relationship couldn’t be flagged by HR. Technically. He still didn’t think he should be taking an agent of SHIELD back to his room. In his defense, it was only so she could get her sleep. And also he highly doubted her ability to find the key to her apartment. 

It would be that easy. In. Drop her on the bed. Sleep on the couch. Then it would be morning and he could deal with Sober Skye. Inebriated Skye was even more of a force to be reckoned with. Duplicitous, innovative, and… and she was sucking on his neck.

Getting into his apartment was going to be a challenge. And he was an international spy. He returned her kisses slowly, fishing a key from his jeans while still trying to hold her up. He had been trained for a reason.

Ward was in the middle of trying to help Skye get her shoes off when she flopped back on his bed with a gasp. “ _Finally_.”

Ward froze. All the training in the world could not prepare him for this. The liveliest girl he had ever met - who he had only been on four dates with - was on his bed. She was looking up at him with those big, soft eyes of hers and he didn’t know what to do. 

For the second time that night.

Seduction had been an acknowledged part of gaining intel, but this was another thing completely. This was Skye. And Skye was looking up at him, expecting something he had no idea that she wanted. The scars on his stomach sung with desire but he knew that there was no way this night could end the way she wanted. Even if he wanted it to, he knew it was wrong. 

“Let’s get you tucked into bed,” Ward said, pretending he hadn’t heard her heady moan.

“Yes please,” she said, her voice heavy with intoxication. “Took you long enough.”

Ward didn’t know how to ignore that. This had never been a problem before. He should have known asking her out before she had even become a full-fledged agent would be a bad idea. 

_Skye_.

From the beginning she had been some sort of ethereal, vengeful spirit that burst into his life, demanding to be acknowledged. At this moment when she definitely didn’t want to be ignored, he didn’t know how to handle it. Then again, it had been only four dates. He supposed he had traditional sensibilities.

“Where are you going?” Skye sounded petulant as Ward pulled the comforter over her.

He stood there, fully conscious of her eying him still fully clothed. 

“The couch.” There would be no question of where this night would end.

“Like hell.” Skye threw back the covers.

Ward sighed and went back to push her back into bed and tuck her in again.

“Grant.”

Ward paused. On their second date he asked why she always called him by his last name. He knew the answer, but he asked anyway. And more than that, he knew that by even asking the question meant she would never call him by his first name in his life.

Now Skye was in his bed and he could feel her prodding gaze in the dark. 

“You like me,” she said, “don’t you?” 

“Of course.” There really wasn’t any other answer. 

“So why won’t you fuck me?”

Ward’s mouth went dry. He could pretend to be a Russian attaché for sixteen months, but couldn’t look Skye in the face. What was _wrong_ with him?

“I mean it’s been four dates.”

“That’s been established,” he replied.

“So do you like me or not?”

“You’re drunk,” Ward said simply. 

“I drink a lot.” 

“I just mean,” Ward said in frustration, sitting on the edge of the bed, “this should happen when we’re both… here.”

“You’ve thought about it?”

“Of course I’ve thought about it.” 

Her provocative laugh made his skin rise. In a good way. 

“How much have you thought about it?” she asked, her voice a shade darker.

“More than you’d like to know.” He couldn’t say more. He really couldn’t.

“I do want to know.”

“Another night.”

“You’re going to have to make it worth my while.” Skye patted the side of the bed.

Ward knew that he wasn’t going to make it to the couch. Skye was only a Level Two, but she had powers that could stop a Level Six. He didn’t know how that was possible, but it was. Ward crawled into bed next to her, safely on top of the covers. 

“So,” she said. “What’s going to make it worth my while?”

“That sounds more like your area of expertise,” Ward said. He didn’t think Skye would be a negotiating master. Then again, she seemed to have mastered a lot of skills.

“You can always take off your pants-“

“ _Skye_.” 

She was quiet and he thought that maybe that would be the end to their game.

“You can ask me, you know,” Skye said quietly. “What my real name is. Now’s about the only time I would really tell you. Only if you really like me, though. Like you said.” 

“I like you,” he breathed. Her dark hair was stirred by his breath.

_I lo_ \- cropped in his mind but he shut it down. He was good at compartmentalization. He never wanted to introduce that to his relationship with Skye, but that was one thing he couldn’t allow of himself. Not yet. Not when this was so new, even if he did feel it.

“I know your real name,” Ward said.

“You’re not playing the game,” Skye accused.

“Fine,” he answered. It was the least he could do. “What’s your real name?”

“Skye.”

Ward sighed. Games were not his forte unless it was Battleship. 

“You asked the wrong question,” Skye said. “That is my real name. But it’s not the name my parents gave me.”

“I know the name your parents gave you,” Ward said. “It’s all in your file.”

“I guess that’s it then.” Even while drunk, it seemed that Skye didn’t really want to say why she hated her given name. 

“Why do you hate Daisy Johnson?” Ward asked softly.

Skye wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t hate her. I just don’t know her.” 

“I know what you mean.”

“Do you?” Skye sounded spiteful, the first time he had heard her that way. He knew better than to take offense.

“I do,” he said firmly.

Skye reached out, skimming the skin of his arm with her fingertips. He knew it was a comforting gesture.

“I was Daisy Johnson for five years,” Skye said. “And then one day, I wasn’t anymore. I guess I resented Daisy for having loving parents and I was just the kid dropped at St. Agnes like trash.”

“We could find out,” Ward said, “what happened to them.”

“I know what happened,” Skye said. “They abandoned me.”

“Maybe there’s more to the story.” 

“Why are you so determined for them to be off the hook?” Skye asked. “I heard about your family history. I thought you would be the last person to defend them.”

“I’m not defending them,” Ward said. “I’m defending you.”

Skye’s touch softened on his arm.

“If there was even a chance that you wouldn’t have to go what I did,” Ward said, “if you didn’t have to carry around all the resentment and rage at the people that were supposed to love you unconditionally, supposed to protect you, then I would want that for you. I’d want that more than anything.” 

“More than forgiving your own parents?”

“It’s too late for me,” Ward said. 

“My father got into these rages,” Skye said. “At the time, I thought my mother’s face was just the way it was. It was only years later that I realized they were scars. Maybe she was trying to protect me. Maybe she took him away from me so I wouldn’t get the same scars. But she still left me.” 

Ward knew there was nothing to say to that. And that she wasn’t looking for anything. He just had to be there. That was something he could understand. That was something he could do. 

“I couldn’t be Daisy anymore,” Skye said. “I had to leave her behind so I didn’t carry that with me for the rest of my life.”

“I understand the impulse,” Ward said, his voice cracking. He hated it. Christian would call it weakness. But the fact that Skye was here meant more than the shadow of his childhood nightmare.

“Grant.” Her voice whispered into the darkness. He felt her hand grope the blankets until it found him again. He wound his fingers through hers. When she squeezed back, he warmth filled his chest. “Were your parents monsters?” 

There had been several taboos between the two of them. This was more self-mandated since they had only been on four official dates. (Skye said the frozen yogurt didn’t count, to his dismay.) But their past was something they revealed in the darkness like this. One at a time, their secrets were whispered into the air. 

“My parents were blind,” Ward said. It was the only answer he could give. Sometimes blind people could be monsters. But Ward didn’t want to have a philosophical discussion about it.

Skye didn’t speak again and Ward had sort of hoped she hadn’t heard him at all. Maybe she had dozed off before she could hear it. But she leaned closer into him and suddenly, he didn’t mind so much. Their limbs tangled together and Ward thought that this was the best date they had yet.

When the light of the morning breached his windows, Skye punched him. Ward thought that in retrospect, it really could have been worse. Her punch had come out of nowhere. It was a mere glancing blow, but it shocked him out of sleep. She blinked at him innocently. He wanted to kiss her but didn’t. The effects of last night had washed away from her and she was completely sober. Ward wished he could say the same. Waking up made him feel drugged. Her expectant face mad it better.

“Well, have fun.” Ward felt like she was kicking him out of his own house. But what he really knew about her was this was a subject she wanted to bring up. And he knew why. 

It was four hours until Ward had to get on a plane. They had talked all night about how he was going on a mission and she had to stay home. While she was field rated, this mission was eyes only. She hadn’t liked the sound of that. Still didn’t, it looked like. He found himself not lulled into humor by her, but enjoying her all the same. 

It was a sign enough to start getting ready. Skye was better than any alarm clock. He couldn’t dwell on the fact that was the first night they had spent the night in the same bed. Though it hadn’t gone exactly as planned – despite last night, Ward really wished things could have gone differently – it still gave him a sense of airy happiness. That didn’t come very often. 

“Don’t go shooting any strange girls while you’re away,” Skye continued as Ward got his suitcase ready. (Two guns and one doctored passport.) “Three years later and you might get a girlfriend.”

That made Ward still. His hands busy with packing his bag felt numb. He forced himself to look at her. 

“Are you…” He asked tentatively, “my girlfriend?”

Skye’s face dropped and he knew she realized she had made a mistake. But when she smiled he figured that she didn’t mind so much. He didn’t mind either. He was late for his plane, but the ride in the cargo hold was worth it.

* * *

 

Fitz was lying to him. Truthfully, Ward didn’t need to have high marks in espionage – Skye was so tired of hearing him brag about that – to know that the kid was lying.  _Sweating profusely_ had no meaning until Leo Fitz. Ward could handle this one of several ways, but he supposed that torture was out of the question.

That was a joke, but he was glad he didn’t say it out loud all the same. Skye said his jokes weren’t funny. In an affectionate way. 

Asking again was a better option. “Where is Skye?” Ward tried to make his voice level so it didn’t sound like a threat. Judging from Fitz’s shiny forehead, he had not succeeded.

“I really can’t…” Fitz said. “Oh look, here comes Simmons.” 

As distractions went, it was weak. It still got Fitz away from Ward and behind Simmons.

“Just tell him it’s eyes only,” Simmons muttered. “Like you were supposed to.” 

“Oh,” Fitz said. “Right.” 

This was all Skye’s doing and Ward knew it.

“What’s eyes only?” Ward asked loudly across the room. 

“That would be eyes only,” Simmons said innocently. 

Simmons could play at just being a Sci-Tech geek but she had the true skills for undercover. He wasn’t about to tell her that, though. 

“Losing my patience.”

“I’m sure Skye will be more than happy to hear that when she gets back,” Simmons said in her administrator voice. He hated that. “In forty-five minutes.”

“Forty-five minutes,” Ward said. He cast an accusing look at Fitz. “You could have just said that.” 

“That was strictly confidential,” Fitz said more confidently. Confidential meant Skye was getting back at him. That wasn’t a question. 

Ward wasn’t sure why FitzSimmons was in on this super secret covert op, though.

“Why do you have mad face?” 

Ward realized his jaw was doing that thing where it hurt from clenching it too much. Skye tossed her bag down near her closet, approaching Ward with her arms folded. Sitting on her bed and waiting for her to get back, Ward suddenly realized what a horrible position he had put himself in. 

Skye wasn’t just anyone. Sometimes, he forgot that she had shot him. “FitzSimmons told me you’d be here,” Ward said, trying to divert attention from his Mad Face. It wasn’t working.

“In my apartment?” Skye asked. “Strange how that works.”

“After a mission.” 

Her brows knit in a remarkable impression of him. At least that’s what he could imagine her saying.

“I can’t go on missions now?” Skye asked. 

“You’re Level Two.” 

“So that’s is what this is about.” Skye’s voice was hurt.

“This isn’t about anything.”

“Hey, you reject my sexual advances,” Skye said, “I’m allowed to go and do my job.” 

“Are those two things related?”

“I’m Level Two. I’m a hacker. I’m not SHIELD material.”

“ _No_ ,” Ward said definitively.

“I’m just me,” Skye said. “What were you saying about my sexual advances not being related?”

“I should have been there.” That was the only way he was getting out of this one. The whole, messy, emotional truth. He wasn’t great at it, but he felt like he could learn from Skye.

She looked dubious. He was going to sell this one. Hard. Telling the truth was difficult enough for him. Being transparent was another thing entirely.

“I’m your SO.” 

“Not anymore,” Skye said. “I’m field rated, in case you forgot.”

He hadn’t. 

“I know,” Ward said. “I just thought I would be able to see you on your first mission.”

“To make sure I don’t screw up.” 

“Because I’m proud of you.” The words were saccharine in his mouth but he forced them out all the same. Somehow with Skye, it was easier than he thought it would be. 

“That’s downright cheesy, Agent Ward.”

“I know,” Ward said. “I might get court marshaled.”

That made her smile. 

“It was a stupid surveillance op.”

“What?” Ward asked. 

Skye took a seat next to him.

“They just wanted me to handle incoming communication for a Level Five,” Skye said. “Real ego boost, isn’t it?”

“Well you were in the field,” Ward said comfortingly. Or he had hoped it was. Her eyes darkened. Not helping, Grant. Got it. “That’s just how it works for the newbies. It’ll get better.” 

“Is that how it worked for you?”

“Well I ended up shooting a not-accomplice in Seville. You tell me.”

“Stop,” Skye teased. “You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Just can’t seem to help myself.”

“You know if you like a girl so much, the least you owe her is not to reject her.”

“Skye…” Looking her in the eyes was hard.

“Go on,” Skye said. “Give me your best shot.” 

“It’s not that,” Ward said. “I couldn’t do that and then just leave you there.” 

“You’re going to have to go into depth with that one, agent.” 

“It didn’t seem right,” Ward said. “Whenever I thought about us together it was because we both wanted it. And it wasn’t some impulsive rash thing before I jetted off to Siberia to get shot up.”

“Was your mission in Siberia?”

“Eyes only,” Ward said. They both scowled at each other. 

She was teasing, of course. She liked to deflect when things got too intense. He could relate. 

“So you thought about us,” Skye said. 

“What did I just say?” He didn’t want to go through this again, whether or not Skye had remembered their previous conversation from the week before.

“So touchy,” Skye said. “You know we haven’t even been going out for that long. I’m not that kind of girl.”

“Right,” Ward said. “You’re some proper southern belle.”

“That is dangerously close to sounding judgmental,” Skye said, stung. “Like you have any right—“

Ward thought he made the right decision in the end. With his mouth on hers, neither of them could say anything else stupid. Skye’s hands wound to the back of his neck and he felt like hellfire.

They broke away.

“Yes, Skye,” he said heavily. “I thought a lot about us.” 

Skye seemed less interested in that now that they were on a bed. “Are you this much of a sap with your other girlfriends?”

“You’re the only one I shot,” Ward said. “You’re the only one.” _Ever_. 

There was a consensus. Both of them were tired of talking and Skye made that evident enough. 

When her tongue reached the scars on his abdomen, he decided that it made getting shot worth it. He knew that without a doubt. It almost felt like he had never been shot at all. He would have told her that but she would call him a romantic. This was much better. When it was over he could hold her and not worry about getting on a plane the next day. He didn’t announce that either. For once, the quiet was comforting.


	8. Three Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well for everyone’s sake I’m glad Skye didn’t start throwing drinks at Ward’s head during the wedding vows.” 
> 
> “Hey,” Bobbi said. “I only threw a drink at you during our wedding vows.”
> 
> “I rest my case.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nauseatingly fluffy but very schizophrenic at the same. My apologies.

**VII.**

“At least we know for a fact that maid of honor and the best man will be occupying the linen closet,” Hunter said confidently.

Bobbi Morse rolled her eyes. Despite her husband’s crudeness, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Agent Ward and Skye had become the scandal of Operations. And they weren’t exactly subtle. She wouldn’t have been surprised if everyone but the director knew about them. 

“I think it’s sweet,” Bobbi finally said, ordering at the bar. It was really no surprise that the wedding had gone off without a hitch. With two Sci-Tech geeks, there really was no room for mistake. Technically the dance floor wasn’t open yet. Everyone was still eating dinner, but she didn’t mind sneaking a drink before the embarrassment. “Kind of reminds me of us.”

“Well for everyone’s sake I’m glad Skye didn’t start throwing drinks at Ward’s head during the wedding vows.” 

“Hey,” Bobbi said. “I only threw a drink at you during _our_ wedding vows.”

“I rest my case.”

Ward and Skye had been seated apart for the most of the night, Skye next to the bride and Ward next to the groom at the high table for the dinner. This would be the only time so many government agents would be at one event. It would be a great opportunity for their enemies to cripple SHIELD. That was why Director Coulson insisted the wedding be held at one of the cabin’s Banner had constructed. It was a compromise but Jemma and Fitz didn’t seem to mind.

In fact, it never would be suggested that government agents couldn’t be civilized. After the reception got into full swing, it almost seemed like a normal wedding. Even May was dancing with her ex-husband politely while Bobbi and Hunter were dangerously close to having make-up sex in the woods behind the cabin.

Kara had no interest on being on the dance floor. She and newcomer Mike Peterson were the only ones loitering at the bar. In fact, most people were starting to disperse. The one couple on the floor was the most obvious one.

Ward and Skye were sweet. The sweetest thing was despite the fact that Ward had no idea who the band was, he danced to the song that Skye requested anyway. Or the fact that Skye danced purposely very badly to take away from Ward’s attempt at dancing. 

“When you’d know?” Skye seemed to wait until most people had moved away.

Skye could be strange that way. Someone who seemed at times to relish the attention but was genuine and private when it counted. Just like him.

“I’m a romantic.”

“Oh are you,” Skye asked at Ward’s casual tone.

“Completely,” Ward said. “I knew I loved you the moment you filled me with four slugs.”

Her laughter was light and musical.

“What about me?” he asked. 

Skye gave him a stern look. “After that.”

He wasn’t letting her go that easy. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she scrunched her face at him. There was a moment of silence before she decided to get real with him. “When you first told me the truth. That’s when I knew.”

Ward’s face softened. His brothers weren’t something they talked about a lot, but that he trusted her enough to reveal something ugly and skeletal about him meant everything. She had never stopped loving him since. 

“And right now,” Skye said, not able to let the moment go without a joke. “When I saw you dance.” 

“Take that back.” 

“No,” she laughed. 

Ward finally had to take a rest at the bar where Kara was predictably and reliably present.

“How you feeling?” 

“I feel like…” Ward sighed looking at the dance floor where Skye was bound to break something with the bride. “I’m in a scene from _Grease_.”

“Which scene?”

Ward cast her what he attempted as an annoyed look. He only ended up laughing her earnest face. “The one at the dance.”

“Alright, Zuko,” Kara said dryly. “Go an help your date before she hurts herself.”

Skye was gyrating an uncomfortable amount.

“Are you kidding?” Ward asked, downing a whiskey straight. “I’m Kenickie.” 

“No,” Kara said. “ _I’m_ Kenickie.”

Ward couldn’t really argue with that point.

“Go and sing Sandy for the karaoke later,” Kara said. “I’d pay to say that.” 

“Please do not tell me there’s karaoke.” 

Kara only nodded at Ward’s internal groan. Skye was on the dancefloor without her shoes and her hair falling from its updo.

“You’re at a wedding, Ward,” Kara said. “Better get used to the socializing. Especially since this isn’t the only one where you’ll be in the wedding party—“

Ward elbowed her sharply as Skye skidded unexpectedly towards them. “Please be quiet.”

Kara looked at him, eyes wide. Ward wasn’t known for keeping secrets from Skye. Especially something like this that actually concerned her. 

“Hope you’re not doing anything remotely interesting,” Skye exclaimed loudly and drunkenly. Ward put his arm around her. Less for possessive purposes and more so she didn’t fall over. “Like you would be. Ready for karaoke?”

Ward glared at Kara over Skye’s head like it was her fault.

* * *

 

Skye was scared. 

She tried thinking back to that car in Seville. Even when Ward perforated her stomach, she felt not fear. Just the calming feeling of rage. When she spoke to him at length about the incident, she knew that he understood the feeling. It took her a moment to realize that was years ago. But it only felt like yesterday.

And in all that time that she had spent with him, she never felt as paralyzed with terror as she was at that moment. She could see Mike yelling at her to stay where she was. But it was as if she had suddenly gone deaf. She couldn’t understand anything that was happening.

She pulled out her earpiece.

She would get reprimanded for that, but that seemed like a small price to pay. She felt Mike’s strong hand on her but her adrenaline kicked in and she wrenched away, tearing out of the surveillance van and into the old monastery.

Kara didn’t tell her to stop. She was on her feet, seemingly as frozen as Skye felt. Bodies littered the floor of the church but everything was eerily calm. Kara had the same look in her eyes and Skye knew she wouldn’t be stopped. 

As calm and still as the air was, Skye’s brain was buzzing. She looked into Grant’s eyes as he still clenched the berserker staff in his hand.

She couldn’t see him. His eyes only showed an empty abyss of rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I just really love Grease.


	9. Six Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first week he would wake himself almost every two hours with his terror. Now she counted herself lucky. Now he only woke up once every night. At first, Ward had suggested that he sleep on the couch for now. Skye knew better than that. “For now” would turn into “indefinitely” would turn into “I can’t be with you anymore.” As much as he was breaking her heart, she couldn’t just leave him. She could never leave him when he needed her most.

**VIII**.

Skye found herself growing to count his screams. The first week he would wake himself almost every two hours with his terror. Now she counted herself lucky. Now he only woke up once every night. At first, Ward had suggested that he sleep on the couch for now. Skye knew better than that. “For now” would turn into “indefinitely” would turn into “I can’t be with you anymore.” As much as he was breaking her heart, she couldn’t just leave him. She could never leave him when he needed her most. 

The moment he touched that berserker staff, she knew that something was wrong. She couldn’t explain it scientifically. Simmons couldn’t even explain it scientifically. The closest thing they could identify it with was post-traumatic stress. But Skye knew that wasn’t it. This was something magical.

Simmons would huff and scoff whenever Skye said it, so she stopped saying it. But Ward never blinked at a mission. The second he put his hands on the staff he had been consumed with darkness. Skye saw it in his eyes every day. What was worse was that she could see that recognized that in her. She saw her own reflection in his eyes and it made her heart break all over again.

Tonight was the same. Only this time, as she held him, feeling his sweat against her arm, she spoke. “I think it’s time.”

She felt him go stiff and knew he would have preferred it if she would stop holding him. But his hands grasped hers and held on.

“I’m tired,” Ward said.

“They could help.”

Ward finally peeled away from her and lay on his back. She knew better than to take it personally. “You don’t believe that.” 

“This is their fault,” Skye said coldly. It was something she could never really forgive SHIELD for.

“You mean me,” Ward said. 

Skye wouldn’t cry tonight. That hadn’t helped him in a long time.

“They made you go to Ireland,” Skye said.

“It’s about the greater good.” He sounded like he was reciting the manifesto. That wouldn’t have surprised her if he were.

“Well I didn’t sign up for it.” 

“I know you didn’t,” Ward said. “Which is why you’re better off.” 

She heard what was coming next. 

“Without—“ 

Skye remembered the last time she had hit him. It was a slight tap to get him awake. He was late for a mission and she had embarrassed herself the night before. This was different. He winced as her hand connected with the side of his head. Sometimes his dreams were accompanied with migraines. This was the first night that she didn’t care. She wanted him to feel her. 

“Just shut up, Ward,” Skye said. "Shut _up_."

“You should save yourself,” Ward said.

“You don’t give up,” Skye said, meeting him at eye level. “Remember? You’re not some Level One. You are stronger than this. SHIELD deserves repercussions for what they did.” 

“I can’t do that.”

She knew he couldn’t. But she could. “They should at least try and help.” 

She knew that was even worse in Ward’s eyes. He couldn’t admit that something was wrong. That went against everything his SO had taught him. Skye couldn’t forgive that either. Ward was silent for the rest of the night. Skye wrapped her arms around him again. The only good thing that came out from it was that he slept through the rest of the night.

* * *

Skye met Kara at The Hub. It was neutral territory and there would be no one to question why they were both there. Kara being Operations and Skye being whatever they needed, they weren’t as likely to meet on common ground. But they had this in common.

“How are his nightmares?” Kara asked. They found a secluded corner after a tac team had been deployed. 

“They’re not worse,” Skye said. To Skye, that was good news. 

“That bad.” Not to Kara, apparently. Then again, Kara was no stranger to mind malfunctions. And that was sugarcoating it. 

“You mentioned something before,” Skye said quietly. There was no easy way to go about doing it. She just had to ask and hope that they weren’t being surveyed. That was unlikely, considering they were at a literal hub of SHIELD. But she had to try.

Kara looked grave. “That was meant as a last resort.”

“But you did it,” Skye said. “And you’re fine.” 

“Fine is all relative,” Kara said. “And what I did was a small, miniscule, microcosm of what they would be putting him through. It’s just a prototype. Do you really want them digging around in Grant’s brain?” 

All Skye wanted was what was best for him. She just wanted him to stop hurting. “What about Mike? Didn’t he go through something similar?” 

If it was possible, Kara looked even more guarded. 

“That was different,” Kara said. “Mike would have lost an eye. They modified him.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” Skye said. “He won’t talk to anyone. He won’t disclose it. He still goes out on missions.” 

“It comforts him,” Kara said. “It’s the only thing that makes him feel sane.” 

“I’m not saying he’s crazy,” Skye said. “I’m saying I can’t watch him suffer anymore.” 

“At least think about it,” Kara said. “If you disclose something like this to SHIELD, there are no guarantees to how they’ll handle him. The best thing you can do is protect him.”

“How do I do that?” Skye asked.

“This program,” Kara said, “it’s not proven. It’s not safe. He’ll need a handler. Do you really trust any one else to handle his mind?” 

“So who, then?” Skye asked. “You?” 

Kara looked startled. “No, Skye. You.”

She hadn’t been expecting that.

“Me?” Skye said. “I’m barely a Level Five. I have no experience in that field.” 

“You are the most experienced with Ward,” Kara said. “And you majored in Communications. That’s what they need. You need to communicate with him for them. And you can keep an eye on him. You out of everyone will see if he changes for the worst. Or something you’re not comfortable with. But think about it. Don’t commit to anything. Come talk to me again if you want to make contact.” 

There were horror stories about programs like this. There was even a rumor going around that SHIELD had implanted false memories in the director’s head. She had only met him once or twice, but she didn’t really believe that.

She didn’t want to erase Ward’s brain. Maybe Kara was right. Maybe he would get better. His nightmares seemed to be lessening at least. 

When Skye went home, Ward was covered in blood. 

She couldn’t find him at first. Then she heard glass breaking in the bathroom. She found him on the floor, the mirror shattered around him, bleeding from his head. She didn’t have to ask to know he had run as fast as he could into it.

Skye kneeled in the glass and put pressure on his wound. He grimaced but sighed as though content. That was worse than the screams. All he wanted was something familiar. She just didn’t know how to give it to him. Ward’s eyes were dull as she checked for his vital signs. Jemma had taught her that. 

“Why’d you do this?” Skye finally asked. 

She had learned through everything, it was better to ask. It would make him focus and be in the present and not lost in his head.

His bloody hands gripped hers. Their skin stuck together. She couldn’t smell the blood anymore.

“It’s okay,” Ward said. “It’ll be over soon.”

She looked at the scar on his cheekbone. She had given that to him. She had given him the scars on his stomach. But he had given himself the scars on his hairline. That would never go away. All because SHIELD needed tech and had no idea how to control it. 

“Don’t you dare,” Skye warned. She held Ward’s chin, demanding him to look at her. “You cannot leave me.”

“Someday, you’ll understand,” he said sadly. 

“No,” Skye coldly. “I won’t. You are not allowed to just bail. Not after everything. You don’t get to just walk away. You got that, agent?”

He leaned his head against her shoulder. She felt it as a sign of defeat. His blood oozed beneath her shirt. She felt it against her heart. 

But then he spoke again. “Copy that.” 

Skye brought him in to see Kara the next day.


	10. Two Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I’m still mad at you.”
> 
> “I was defending your honor,” Ward said, peeling off his black t-shirt. Bastard. Using that against her. He knew her weakness.
> 
> “Don’t pull that with me,” Skye said. “I know you were defending Fitz. Don’t try and deny it.”
> 
> “It was still chivalrous,” Ward said. “And that should count for something. A lesson I'll teach our kids.”

**IX.**

She felt his wet kisses on the back of her neck.

“Oh god.” She rolled over in bed to see his bloody grin. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I was defending your honor,” Ward said, peeling off his black t-shirt. Bastard. Using that against her. He knew her weakness.

“Don’t pull that with me,” Skye said. “I know you were defending Fitz. Don’t try and deny it.”

“It was still chivalrous,” Ward said. “And that should count for something. A lesson I'll teach our kids.” 

The end of the sentence hung on the air. She knew he was drunk or he wouldn’t have said it. Not that he didn’t think it. He just would have picked a better time to bring it up, she was sure.

Well, it was out in the open now. “Kids,” she said.

It hadn’t been so long ago that she would have said this was the worst possible time to be thinking about something like that. But Ward had recovered at an astronomical rate and it didn’t seem like so preposterous now. That left all the other issues with it. 

Ward shrugged before settling into bed with her. “Yeah. You never thought about it?”

“I’ve thought about it,” Skye said. “I just thought we’d talk about it before you made a decision.” 

“No decision,” Ward said. “I just thought it would be a nice. A little girl with your eyes.”

Skye had to admit, it didn’t sound bad. “It’s a lot to think about,” she said instead.

“I don’t disagree,” he said. “Something to think about.” 

“I just know what it’s like to grow up in the system,” Skye said. “I know what this world is. I’m not sure I want that for anyone, let alone our child.”

“I know what this world is too, Skye,” he said. “But ours would be different. She would be ours. And we would love her and take care of her. The way we never were.”

“She?” Skye had to smile at that. The stupid romantic.

“Yeah,” Ward said. “She.”

“Well I never thought about it that way,” Skye admitted. “I’ll think about it.” 

“That’s all I ask.” Ward leaned in to kiss her.

“God how do you taste more like whiskey than blood?”

“It’s in the genes.”

He was so stupid cute when he was drunk. He sometimes did this the night before a mission. It hadn’t been a habit before Ireland but now she couldn’t bring herself to chastise him for it. He needed to heal in the way that he knew how.

“Remember to take your meds with you,” Skye reminded gently. He was becoming a little forgetful lately. She wondered if he really wanted to stop taking them altogether.

Ward sighed and leaned back on the pillows.

“They’re helping, aren’t they?” Skye asked, curving her arms around his torso.

“Yes.” He was terse now. A clear sign of detachment. That wasn’t what she wanted.

“Ward.”

“I don’t feel as much,” Ward said, “when the flashbacks come.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Skye asked. What worried them both was that he was becoming too detached. Tonight was a good night. He was with her. But they both knew it wasn’t perfect. That worried her when he brought up things like having children.

“I looked down at myself today,” Ward said quietly, “and I couldn’t remember how I got these scars.”

Skye looked down at the four bullet scars on his torso. She shot up quickly in bed.

“ _Grant_.”

He couldn’t look at her. 

“Grant,” Skye said again. “I shot you.”

“I remember now,” Ward said hotly.

This wasn’t what he needed right now. She knew that. She lay back down next to him, hugging his back. After a moment, his fingers curled comfortingly around hers.

“When you get back from your assignment,” Skye said quietly, “we’ll make an appointment with Simmons.”

He was quiet. She didn’t want him to leave. She hugged him tighter.

“And we’ll discuss baby names.”

He turned in her arms, a slight smile across his lips.

“Like Brady.” 

“Brady?” Ward asked in disgust. “I _hate_ the Patriots.”

“I know,” Skye said and kissed him on the nose.

“I love you, rookie,” Ward said.

“Love you too, supervisor.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally just going to be a one-shot but I decided I was going to continue it in a series of flashbacks to show how Ward and Skye got to where they are. Thanks for reading!


End file.
